triumvirate: shaken
by Hidden in Sunlight
Summary: Falling from grace isn't easy, but neither is love. Fuji x Yukimura x Shiraishi. AU, OOC, begins from just after Chapter 379 in the first manga.
1. Chapter 1

-**chapter one**-

I lost? I... Lost?

I stared in disbelief at my hands as I heard cheering from the other end of the court. That was supposed to be me. The person winning was supposed to be me! I couldn't believe it! That child, that _brat_, said that 'tennis was fun'? That was utter shit. Tennis was only about winning. Winning was why sports, any type of sports, were made. Why people work on it day, after day, after day, until their fingers bled and their hearts stopped beating.

I couldn't have lost. This was all a dream. I was the 'Child of God', 'Kami no Ko'. No one could beat me. Nobody could. It just- it just wasn't possible. I looked up to my team, to only see that they were all in shock... That's right. It was only a dream. After all, they would only disappear once I... Wake... Up...

I quickly hit myself in the knee with my racquet, and hissed when I saw a cut form.

Blood dripped from the wound.

I reached down to touch it with almost childish curiosity, and looked at the stream of blood that resided on my finger. I rubbed it, and saw that my skin slowly stained red. ... It wasn't a dream. It never was. I was awake. And I had lost.

Losing. That... It was a word I'd forgotten. A taste I never tasted for a long time. A toy I've thrown away. While my mind had embraced the word, and understood it, my heart, my soul did not.

They fought.

I didn't like it. No one could. But...

"B-buchou?"

I turned to see Kirihara, the only second-year on the team, looking at me with wide, disbelieving eyes.

"Yes, Akaya?"

"... Are you alright?"

I... No. I was not all right. But, I had to make sure the team did not fail. Did not fall into chaos. Kirihara was going to be the captain next year. He was not allowed to lose.

"Yes." I answered. His eyes slowly narrowed back into their normal sizes, and I could see Sanada frown slightly. I could tell he knew I was lying.

He knew I was not all right with losing. It was like I've betrayed myself. Betrayed Rikkai. Betrayed them all.

"… However…" I smiled a fake smile. Like I've always did, when I reassured everyone. "We will have to improve ourselves. Kirihara Akaya. Next year, you will be the captain. You know that. Learn from our mistakes, and defeat all, everyone, who stands in your way. Become stronger in the face of our adversary."

The second-year nodded determinedly. His Demon Mode was sealed away, so I knew he had to work hard to create a new image and a new arsenal for himself. He was strong. He could be stronger.

I put a hand on his head, before turning around to look at the rest of the team. "Everyone. … You did great- and well done to you all. I'm… Proud of you, proud of us."

They all smiled at me. I couldn't help but feel somewhat of a hypocrite. I gave it my all. I lost. I wasn't proud. However, not at them: I wasn't proud of myself.

Wasn't I supposed to be the strongest out of the Rikkai Three? Was the kid stronger?

I smiled tersely at them all, before I left the stadium. I did not want my team, the very thing that put reason into my dwindling will to live into, to notice my weakness.

-x-

Fuji Syuusuke knew he had a very high level of curiosity. It was given, because as a child, he was always found in the park, looking at all the things that could be found there. He then discovered a wilting cactus hidden in the shade by a large oak tree, and had taken it home, his school jacket curled around the plant.

He watched with his closed eyes that the captain of the Rikkai team had exited the stadium with a rather distressed look on his face. Well, distress that was _barely_ etched onto the eyes of the enigmatic Yukimura.

He frowned slightly. Was the Kami no Ko _that_ shaken by Ryoma's win, and skill?

"Tezuka, excuse me. I remembered I have something to do," Syuusuke told the captain softly. He received a nod, and left the stadium. He noticed that Eiji was looking at him in confusion, and nodded at him once. Eiji nodded as well and went back to chattering with Oishi, who looked ecstatic with Ryoma's win.

Syuusuke followed Yukimura out of the stadium ground, and noticed that Yukimura had a slouched, defeated posture. _What's up with him…?_ He wondered, suspicious. _Surely getting beaten by the little chibi isn't that bad._

Yukimura stopped at a tree, and rested his forehead against the bark, his eyes closed tightly.

The brunette stopped where he was, and continued to watch the blue-haired captain with unhidden curiosity. He watched with open blue eyes as Yukimura's fingers gripped the branches with his slender fingers.

He could barely heard what the other was saying, whispering, murmuring.

"I lost." Syuusuke heard. "I fucking _lost_. How? I… I'm the Kami no Ko. I'm undefeatable. And some _runt_ came over and defeated me. It's unbelievable. I…" He heard Yukimura's voice quiver. "No, I'm not. I'm not weak- I just underestimated him. I'm not weak. I won't admit I am weak! I'm not!"

-x-

My breath came out raggedly as my fingers gripped the branches of the tree tighter and tighter and tighter. I, Yukimura Seiichi… Did not deserve to be called Child of God, the Kami no Ko. I was weak; I wasn't strong. I lost. Rikkai no longer needed a weak, sick little wannabe as their support, as their leader. I can never show my face to my team ever again. They were better off without me.

My eyesight began to waver as I could feel water gather from under the eyelids. I was going to cry. I didn't want to. But I was weak, wasn't I? Doesn't that mean I'm entitled to crying openly, to proclaim that I was weaker than some kid two years younger than me? I bowed my head, closing my eyes with startling fury. I hated my weakness. I betrayed myself because I was weak. Because I got sick, because of a small little sickness that entered my system.

A stick snapped behind me, and I spun around to see who saw my moment of weakness, of self-hatred.

My eyes met the blue eyes of Fuji Syuusuke, and my breath caught in my throat. Had he come, come to taunt me? Come to say I was weak?

"Yukimura-san…" I heard him whisper. His eyes slowly closed, and I turned my head back to glare at the bark. A single tear trailed down my cheek with an icy fire. It burned, and it froze at the same time. My blood coursed through my body with a sudden declaration of wanting to be felt, and to be noticed. My heart was abnormally loud, and I could hear it go_ thud, thud, thud_ loudly.

"I… Apologize for you defeat." He said.

So he did want to taunt me. Tensai of Seigaku has been entitled to boast about his victory to the weak little captain of the once-great Rikkaidai.

"May I join you?"

No, you may not. I hate you. And your band of talented freaks that managed to defeat my proud team. I hope that you have a good fucking life, and that you never forget how weak I was. So be it.

He ignored my silence and went up to me. His closed eyes seemed to pierce through me, and I couldn't help but shiver when his too-warm, too-cold hand touched my shoulder. Another tear joined the first. And another. Before I knew it, I began to heave with silent tears, filled with shame. I was feeble, imperfect, frail. He stood beside me, his eyes burning with pity. I hated that pity. Pity was for the weak, and I _wasn't_-

…

… I was weak, wasn't I?

I suddenly crumpled to my knees, and my hands trailed down the bark of the tree painfully. I could feel blood drizzle down my wrist, my forearm, as I began gasping for air. My eyes burned. My lungs ached. My heart throbbed. My soul screamed.

I screamed.

It was long, painful, and torturous. It was loud, hateful, and vengeful. It was hurt.

His hand stayed on my shoulder, and I could feel him kneel beside me, his head against mine. His hair tickled my neck. His fingers gripped hard.

"Let it out," He murmured. I turned my eyes towards him, half-mad with shame. I reached out with my bloodied fingers to touch his cheek. It was soft. It was warm. He smiled at me. "I won't tell."

_I won't tell._ What important words they were. How they filled me with a forbidden, thrilling feeling. How it reminded me of the secret touches I used to feel. I couldn't help but let out a sardonic chuckle. I wanted so bad to feel free. But I wouldn't allow myself- I- … If I did; I was scared I might lose myself again. To something forbidding in the distance, something I couldn't overcome by myself.

"I won't tell," I echoed with a cracking voice. My throat felt like it was getting stabbed again and again. "I won't tell. How will I know that you won't?"

"Trust me." Fuji answered; his eyes closed serenely, five bloody trails on his cheek. A peep of beautiful blue shimmered from under light brown lashes.

Trust.

Trust.

Trust!

"I hate myself."

He looked startled.

"I, fucking, hate myself." I forced out. My words were physically painful, and mentally painful. I always knew that. I never told, though. "I want to die. I should've. From my disease,"

His eyebrows met. He didn't say anything. For that, I was thankful.

"If I died, then maybe Rikkai would've won. They don't need a sick captain. The captain would only drag them down." I let out a bitter laugh as I clenched my fist. Blood leaked out faster. I bowed my head. "Kami no Ko… What a joke. I should've been called the 'weak bastard'. Or the 'sick asshole'."

Fuji stroked my hair with surprising tenderness. I wanted him to hit me, though. But it felt nice. Too nice. I wanted more, but I wasn't supposed to. I… I was confused. I put my hand on his head, and watched as his hair flutter from my grip. It was soft. Like how mine was. But…

"Fuji-san?"

He opened his eyes, and looked at me questioningly. My breath caught again at his eyes.

"… I am weak."

"You are not." He answered. He stood up, and for a moment, I thought he was going to run off. Leave me. He reached out a hand to touch mine, and pulled me up. Though I towered over him, I felt smaller then I'd ever felt before in my life. "You are strong. You just haven't grown enough yet. But you can."

Why was someone not an ally doing this for me? Did he want something from me?

"What do you want from me?" I asked harshly, my voice cracking again. It was filled with something- something I didn't know.

Fuji looked at me with dark eyes. They were beautiful, but I just wanted to claw them out, so that they couldn't, so that they wouldn't, pierce through me like a needle. "Nothing."

I couldn't believe that. Everyone wanted something. Everyone did not want 'nothing'.

"What do you want from me?" I repeated, albeit softer. I gazed at him with a strange and faint feeling of envy. How strong he was. That he could accept defeat like how someone would accept victory.

"Nothing. Just become stronger, Seiichi."

My name. It felt like velvet coming from the mouth of an angel. I've always found it fascinating how it would be awkward on someone's lips, but from Fuji… No, _Syuusuke_, it was… Natural.

"Ah, ecstasy… What do I spy with my little eyes?"

I did not turn to look at Shiraishi. Neither did Syuusuke.

"You startled Kin-chan with your yell, Yuki-san," Shiraishi said softly, walking towards us. His dark grey eyes glowed. "But I won't tell either, Yuki-san. After all, it's your business."

Syuusuke nodded tersely at me, and looked at Shiraishi. "Shiraishi-san."

"Hm?" The bandaged captain smiled slightly. "Yes, Fuji-san?"

"Join us."


	2. Chapter 2

-**chapter two**-

I sat on the bed, staring at the two people opposite me. Why did they accompany me?

Fuji Syuusuke, who still had the five bloody stains on his face, and Shiraishi Kuranosuke, who had a somewhat disturbed look in his eyes. Why did they accompany me?

I watched as Syuusuke place a cup of tea – green tea, I noted absently – into my hands. He smiled, and he sat back down onto the chair beside Shiraishi.

I took a sip, no, a large swallow, of the burning water, and felt with a perverse satisfaction as I felt my throat blister. I could see Shiraishi look startled, and about to reach out when he frowned, and stopped himself. I took another mouthful, but did not swallow, and closed my eyes. I let my tongue swirl the tea around, and I couldn't feel anything with the muscle.

It became numb.

I swallowed, and looked at the two others again. Syuusuke was still smiling. It felt awkward, the room. I didn't want to talk, but…

"Why are you here?" I asked them both, softly, sweetly. How I wanted my life back. The life when I was a free first-year, swinging the racquet with a joy, free of burdens of winning, burdens of caring, burdens of being ill. Free of being the best. Back when tennis was fun- no. It wasn't fun. Sports were only made for winning. And fun was not tolerated within the courts… Right? My grip tightened on the cup as my internal turmoil returned.

"Seiichi, you need some rest." Syuusuke said somewhat bluntly. He pulled the cup from my hands and put it on the table beside the bed. "Lie down."

Shiraishi looked strangely emotionless as he nodded to what Syuusuke said. His bandaged hand flexed slightly as he brushed some of his hair away from his face. "When you wake up, we will be here, Yuki-san… Awake or not."

It was strangely comforting. I was used to making sure everyone was cared for. I wasn't used to having people taking care of me. I didn't make a sound as I pulled my shoes off, and stripped my jacket off. I slid into the blankets, lying down straight.

I could see Syuusuke suddenly snicker softly. I was about to ask what amused him when he reached out to touch my hair. He pulled softly at my headband, and smiled. "I'm going to take this off, Seiichi." I didn't say a word as he did so anyway. He was oddly gentle as his fingers brushed my forehead.

I closed my eyes. And I drifted away into peacefulness.

-x-

Kuranosuke was not a stupid person. Nor was he as intelligent as Seigaku's Inui, or Rikkai's Renji. However, he knew that Rikkai's buchou, Yukimura, was entirely fragile, and of an unstable mindset. He watched with curious eyes as the effeminate teenager slowly drifted off into sleep.

Fuji's hand touched his shoulder.

"Shiraishi-san, we should talk. Outside."

Kuranosuke agreed, and stood up, following Fuji outside of the bedroom. He noticed at outside, he could see Fuji's otouto, Yuuta; look at them both with narrowed eyes, before he disappeared into another room. He could see the family resemblance.

They both went to the living room, and sat down on the couch. "… Seiichi is extremely fragile." Fuji began. His deceptively thin hands rested on his laps.

"I've noticed." Kuranosuke leaned forward, putting his elbow onto his knee. He rested his head on his bandaged hand, and looked at Fuji's closed eyelids. "Why?"

The brunette sighed. "I think… His entire morals, his entire life has been shifted in that match: where Ryoma defeated him."

"How?" Kuranosuke titled his head. "I don't understand how. And why. Being defeated is a part of life, no?"

"Seiichi hasn't been defeated in a long, long time."

That explained it. "Aa. And his morals- the kid, Echizen, said that he was fun in the match. Did that have to do with the break?"

Fuji tensed slightly, but Kuranosuke noticed it. "I wouldn't know about that. But Rikkaidai has a motto… Something about not accepting defeat: to win, no matter the consequences. I think that Seiichi had engrained that into his life."

"… I…" The Shitenhouji captain nodded once. "I believe I understand now. He's shameful. But he shouldn't be. He tried his hardest, didn't he?"

"He doesn't think that."

-x-

I stood on front of a mirror, staring into my own eyes. They were once strong and proud, now they were weak and dull. I changed.

I used to be great. I used to be powerful. I used to be Yukimura Seiichi.

I wanted to destroy the broken person in the mirror, but I knew it was I – _that it was me!_ – who was in the mirror. It was sad. I touched the surface of the metal with my finger, and watched as the surface beside my finger fogged up. I slowly traced a circle onto the clean surface, and watched with morbid fascination at the oily trail my skin left behind. My fingerprint stains on the reflective, metal object.

I relinquished the touch and continued to peruse my face. I'd become slimmer. Unhealthily so. And it had only been three days since my… Defeat. My tongue felt bitter, and I saw as my face soured slightly. It paled, and my eyes burned with a malicious fire. My fingers gripped tighter on the marble sink top, and I took in a deep breath.

"Seiichi?"

Through the mirror, I could see Syuusuke enter the bathroom, holding a towel.

"Alive still?" He asked in his soft voice. He walked towards me until he was standing beside me. I only nodded, and let go of the sink.

"… Thank you."

My pride stung when I realized how much I depended on this beautiful stranger with his hidden eyes. He knew almost everything about me. How much, I did not know, but he knew. Syuusuke smiled again. He pressed the towel into my hands with a gentle force. I took it mechanically, and placed it onto the hanger beside the shower, spreading it out tidily.

His hand touched my shoulder.

I turned to face him, and he touched my cheek. Softly. "You can stay here as long as you like," He mentioned. "Yumiko and Yuuta don't mind. Shiraishi is staying as well."

"I will need to phone my family," I said. He nodded. I smiled, and he left the bathroom to myself. Once the door shut, and the lock clicked, I began methodically stripping myself. Shirt. Pants. Underwear. I took off my headband with a reverence that surprised me. I lay it gently on the pile of clothing on the floor and slid into the shower, staring at the showerhead. I turned the water on slowly, and closed my eyes when the water splashed against my nose. The pattering rhythm of the shower soothed me.

I stood there for God-knows-how-long, and reached out to grab the bar of soap on the rack. As I lathered myself, I could see my vision flickering, left, right, flashes of black… Unconsciousness was approaching, I realized belatedly.

And, oh, how I welcomed it so.

-x-

Kuranosuke was lurking outside the bathroom where Yukimura was in, making sure that he did not decide to cut himself with Fuji's sister's razors. He froze when he heard something heavy fall. His first reaction was to open the bathroom door, but it was locked. He snatched the key that Fuji had placed on the table beside the door and unlocked the door, rushing inside.

"Yuki-san!" He exclaimed, holding the collapsed teenager in his arms. He looked around his worry, in hysteria, but found nothing that could have caused his unconsciousness. He placed a hand on the teenager's head, and felt for his temperature.

It was normal.

He frowned, and slowly put Yukimura into a sitting position. He never noticed it, but Yukimura had an extremely nice body. It was almost like chocolate for the eyes, excuse the analogy. He was almost tempted to run his hands down the teenager's abdominal, just to see if it really was as firm as it looked, but he quelled the urge. It wasn't right to touch-rape an unconscious person, regardless whether you knew them or not.

He pulled Yukimura into his arms and picked him up, taking heed not to stare at his almost-divine chest, and went into the bedroom, placing the teenager into the bed. He put the blanket over the teenager's lower body, and continued to watch his face.

"You're beautiful," He whispered. Kuranosuke stood up, and left the bedroom, to look for Fuji. To tell him what happened to Yukimura.

-x-

I knew I was dreaming. It was a dream.

I was winning the Nationals. Echizen – the kid – never unlocked the Pinnacle of Perfection. I could see him collapse in shock. I was winning!

"Game, Yukimura! Five games to one!"

I beamed. It was my service game, and I shot serve after serve after serve, but he couldn't see, couldn't hear, couldn't feel.

"Game, Yukimura! Six games to one!"

I was handed the trophy, and my team ran towards me, yelling happily. We won-

"You cheated."

I looked at Sanada with confusion. His face was dark, and his eyes were like fire, glaring at me. "You cheated. You knew you couldn't play well, so you chose the _coward's_ way out."

"What-"

Akaya glared at me, his eyes tinged red. "I thought you were strong, Yukimura!" I noticed he didn't use _buchou_ like he normally did…

Yanagi snorted, and walked off, not bothering to speak. The others followed him, and the trophy in my hands slowly drooped down. I could hear whispers all around me. They were all about me. About how I did everything wrong, how I did everything without pride, bravery and skill. How I was weak.

The trophy fell, and I heard the sound echo in my ears loudly…

-x-

Syuusuke sat down softly beside Seiichi, and he heard the teenager moan softly, tossing around on the covers. He was dreaming. About something bad, but Syuusuke didn't know about what. He caressed the boy's chin, and looked at Shiraishi, who was standing on the other side of the bed. He was frowning slightly, and he looked somewhat disconcerted.

"Is he going to be alright…?" Shiraishi asked softly, fiddling with his bandages. Syuusuke shrugged, and turned his closed eyes back to Seiichi. The boy was sweating slightly. He pulled his shirt off, and wiped the boy's forehead. He was burning slightly, but it was just a degree higher: 37.9 degrees Celsius. It wasn't exactly a high (38 degrees and above) fever, but it was close enough, and it showed Seiichi's discomfort.

"Seii…" The 'tensai' whispered. He put his hand on Seiichi's cheek again, and sighed. "Wake up…"

Shiraishi was slightly reluctant as he sat down beside Seiichi. "He looks so peaceful… But troubled at the same time."

"Hai…"

"It's sad," Shiraishi whispered. He tugged his bandage again, "how Yukimura-san fell from grace. He's strong, though. The kid was just stronger."

Syuusuke stayed silent. He had a feeling that Seiichi could hear them. "Seii-kun, wake up…!" He whispered again. The boy stilled. He groaned softly, and relaxed into Syuusuke's touch, his breathing ragged. He wanted to see Seiichi's beautiful dark blue eyes open, and he wanted to rid them of their dark shadows. It was weird, as he'd never felt like that before… A barely-noticeable flutter of Seiichi's eyes alerted the tensai to Seiichi's consciousness, and the brunette had a relieved smile.

"Yuki-san!" Shiraishi breathed.

Seiichi moaned quietly, before his blue eyes were revealed. They were groggy with _something_ as he blinked slowly, as if he wasn't sure if he was awake or not. Syuusuke helped him up, his hand lingering on Seiichi's cheek.

"Sleeping Beauty awakens," Syuu murmured teasingly, smiling. "Seiichi, are you alright? Shiraishi-kun told me you fell unconscious in the shower."

He just blinked. "… I did?"


	3. Chapter 3

-**chapter three**-

**NOTE: **the school I mention in this story is a real school, but elements of said school are going to be of my own making. If you have any comments, disagreements or flames, please feel free to send me them.

I felt oddly detached as I sat on Syuusuke's bed the entire day, my eyes blankly staring at the wall in front of me. I didn't think. I just… Stared. I could feel myself mechanically eat the food that was placed on front of me, automatically thanking whoever brought it. My mind didn't want to eat, but my body did. I could feel the acid churn within the organ, making a soft rumbling noise, sending the message of _hunger_ throughout my body… But I wasn't hungry.

"Yuki-kun."

My eyes finally ripped themselves from the wall, to look into Shiraishi's dark grey eyes. They were abnormally… tender, and his hand touched my cheek.

"Are you alright?" He asked in a voice I've never heard from him. It was soft, gentle, husky. I leaned into his touch, closing my eyes. I didn't answer, and I felt his breath against my cheeks. "Are you alright, Yuki-kun?"

"Seiichi."

I felt him jerk slightly, before his touch slowly drifted down my neck, to rest on my shoulder. "Pardon?" He asked. I opened my eyes again, and I could see his face right on front of mine. I could feel my cheeks flame slightly.

"Call me Seiichi," I managed to say, paralyzed by his eyes. He leaned closer, his eyes flickering from one of my eyes to the other. I could feel the warmth of his lips from where I was, and I couldn't help but open my mouth, which was suddenly dry.

Shiraishi smiled suddenly, and I saw him lean back. "Then call me Kuranosuke- or Kura, Seiichi-kun."

"H-hai," I mumbled, turning my face the other way. I don't know why, but the way he spoke, the way he looked at me, it felt so _intimate_, as if he was… As if he was my _lover_. His finger touched my chin, and turned my head around to face his. He was still smiling.

"Say it," He murmured, pleadingly.

"I…" I blinked. I couldn't say his name. It was too intimate, too familiar. Too… frightening.

"Please, Seii," Shiraishi- no, Kuranosuke, begged, his eyes narrowing into small slits as a little trace of moisture gathered. Whether he was acting, or truly feeling sadness, I didn't know. However, I could only feel guilt swell in my chest as I watched the proud captain slowly cry. I opened my mouth.

"K-K…" I began, my lips not cooperating with me. "Ku- Kura… Kura-nosuke," He smiled, his eyes were still glimmering with traces of tears. He nodded his head, and I closed my mouth, my heart beating faster than it had been, a moment ago.

"Thank you, Seiichi-kun," He murmured. His bandaged hand touched his tears, and they soon disappeared, leaving behind dry, grey orbs of life.

His lips descended on me.

-x-

Syuusuke tapped the phone lightly, his eyes closed, his mind thinking. He knew that Seiichi was to go the Rikkai High School, but he wondered if the blue-haired boy really wanted to go there. He brushed the phone one last time, and he set it onto its little cubby; then he went to his bedroom.

As his feet led him to the door where he'd slept in for the past decade, his ears could hear what happened around the house. His brother – Yuuta, with the scar on the right side of his forehead – was kicking the wall lightly as he was doing something, texting maybe? His sister wasn't home, and he could hear something happening in his bedroom…

He reached his door, and put his hand on the knob, his ears straining to listen to what was happening inside. He could hear a soft gasp – of surprise perhaps? – and he heard a soft chuckle. He knocked softly on the door, and he heard a quiet scuffle. He opened the door.

Seiichi was breathing heavily, and his cheeks were darkly stained with red. Shiraishi, however, was smiling slightly. "Fuji-kun," He greeted.

Syuusuke watched the two carefully, before returning the greeting. "Shiraishi-kun. Seiichi, I was wondering something. For high school, are you going to continue to Rikkai High?"

Seiichi blinked, and his blush resided. His eyes, however, turned blank as he looked at Syuusuke. "… I don't believe I will."

"I'm going to go to Kamata Kotogakko." Syuusuke said softly. "Kamako. If you wish, I can submit a form for you as well."

His blue eyes slowly closed and opened. "… If you are willing," He murmured in an almost inaudible voice.

Syuusuke smiled.

-x-

I knew it was inevitable to not avoid my teammates once I went back to Kanagawa. I didn't like that thought, the thought of meeting my friends, my team. I was still ashamed, even though I haven't seen them for three days. I was still… Shadowed by my failure. However, I avoided them the best I could. Every time I had a suspicion that they were there, I left. I never went to places I knew they would be. I never went to places I normally went to.

It was cowardly, but it worked. I never saw either hide or hair of the Rikkai regulars, and I didn't have to face the conflict within me. It made me more at peace, yet more at war due to the stewing emotions that bubbled underneath the surface of my skin… I stared at the piece of paper in my hands.

Kamako accepted my – Syuusuke's, that is – application, and I realized that I was going to go to the same school as his. I didn't understand why, but I felt… Happy… Happy, well, because he cared enough for me to want me to be at his side, in a high school that I've never considered to go to.

"Seiichi," I heard behind me. My mother entered the room, and sat down beside me, brushing my cheek with her soft, brittle fingers. "Your teammate wants to see you. A young man by the name of Kirihara Akaya, I think."

Akaya. "Akaya?"

"Hai. And some others, too… he – they - are in the living room," She murmured in her sweet voice. She smiled at me, touching my cheek one more time, before she left the room, plodding off somewhere… her room, maybe.

I stood up slowly, my equilibrium shaky as I tried to balance on my weak legs. I staggered, and reached out for the table beside my bed as I tried to centre myself. I closed my eyes as I took in deep breaths, trying to stabilize my body. I was never like this, I noted, before the loss. I never had to struggle to be balanced; I never had to struggle to be _normal_.

I managed to stay upright, and I walked slowly out of my bedroom, and down the stairs towards the living room. It was physically painful, the speed of my movements. Every movement of mine took what seemed like minutes, and I finally reached the living room. I could see Akaya watching me with slight fear, and I could see Sanada flinch. With disgust, I didn't know.

I dragged my feet towards the couch on front of them, and I sat down with almost reckless relief, and I took in shaky breaths. I could feel my entire team's stare on my face as I tried to remember why I was like this. I couldn't.

"B-buchou,"

My eyes flickered to Akaya's green eyes.

"A-are you alright?" He whispered. The words stung.

"… I don't believe so," I murmured. My gaze faltered, and they lowered, to look at the carpet below us all. I realized that they were trying to put the picture of the proud, strong captain they had to the broken teenager they saw now. I wanted to wince, but I couldn't find the strength to. I wanted to just… Black out.

Yanagi stood up and walked to me. I could hear his footsteps against the muffling fabric of the carpet. I could imagine the plants stitched on the fabric crumbling under his footsteps, as if they were real…

"Seiichi…" He murmured.

"Renji," I replied, my eyes meeting his for a second – but it seemed like a millennia.

"What happened?" Yanagi asked, his eyes staring into mine with utter superiority. That I once had, from what seemed like ages ago.

"I don't know."

He paused. "I thought so…"

I let out a weak smile. For once, he didn't say anything to do with his data collecting abilities. It was a long, long time ago since I've last heard him talk like this.

"… Did you?" I gave a sardonic smile, and released my stare, to stare at the leaves that were painted across the carpet. I wondered how if felt like to live a life of just absorbing sunlight into chlorophyll to change into energy for the rest of the plant, to release a life-giving oxygen, and to just be _there_…

I could hear the phone ring beside me. I blinked at it in a belated surprise, and reached out to get it when Nio picked it up.

"Sorry. This is Nio Masaharu," He said into the phone. I blinked again. Who was it…? "Fuji Syuusuke? Why are you calling buchou?" I could feel the surprise radiating from everyone. "… Fine. Buchou," He passed the phone with a confounding gentleness, his teal eyes unreadable. I picked the phone up with my right hand, staring at it for a second. I raised it to my ear.

"_Seiichi?"_

His voice was like honey. Sweet, welcoming, homely…

"_Are you alright?"_

"… Yes," I said slowly. "Are you, Syuusuke?"

I heard Syuusuke laugh softly. Drifting into my ears with a melodious feeling. _"Don't worry about me, Seiichi. I'm fine,"_ He paused. _"Was that your Rikkai team?"_

"Yes." He was silent. "Why did you call?" I could see Marui shift slightly, brushing Nio's hair with his hand as he whispered something into his ear. The Trickster nodded.

"… _I was worried about you," _He admitted. I heard him laugh again. _"But it doesn't seem like I needed to. You're doing great, Seiichi."_

It was weird, but his words made me feel… Normal again. But they stung at the same time. Did that mean he wasn't going to be there…?

"_If you're free, I can go over tomorrow to help you pack your things for Kamako,"_ He told me. I smiled slightly.

"Sure."

"_Great! I'll be there at eleven – the morning, not the night,"_ I could imagine him smiling. I smiled wider, not noticing the looks the team gave me. I could only see – imagine – Syuusuke sitting on his ledge beside the window, playing with his phone's wire, and stroking the cacti on the table.

I nodded, although knowing he couldn't see me. I suddenly remembered the vivid blue of his eyes, the fire that burned in them, the intensity of his gaze. I could feel myself slowly lose my breath, and I tried to think of something else, but I could only see, feel, think of his _burningburningburningeyes_.

"A-Alright. I-I'll see you then," I managed to gasp out. I closed my eyes and blindly turned the phone off, placing it back into its crib, my hand bumping into numerous objects with inexperience, sending small jolts up my arm like electricity. I blocked out the murmurs of my forgotten team as I lurched forward, burying my face into my hands, taking in harsh breaths.

I shuddered, my body quivering. I tried to calm down, ground myself onto the earth, cut down the string that held me aloft in the sky. I couldn't. I felt a hand touch my cheek. I was snapped back to reality. I looked up with a shaky vision, and I saw the dark eyes of Yagyuu, hidden behind a barrier of see-through sand: glass. He looked at me with a clinical appraisal, his eyebrow raised. I blinked at him, not comprehending why he was doing that-

Oh.

I bowed my head; suddenly feeling my energy levels fall. I went limp, falling sideways as my eyes rolled up to the back of my head, my shoulders having the peculiar feeling of weights falling onto them, making me slump down, like a puppeteer-less marionette.

The last thing I heard was Sanada – dear Genichiro – saying something with his deep, baritone voice…


	4. Chapter 4

-**chapter four**-

**Note:** Merry Christmas, 2010, people!

It had been a hectic week for Seiichi, as he moved all his belongings to his new school, and sorted out all of his papers, and things. He also had to ward off the tennis team, who had wanted to recruit him into their ranks. However, he had survived the wreckage and the crash-courses he had to take, and had settled within his new school easily, with Syuusuke by his side.

And at that moment, they – Syuusuke and Seiichi – were in their room, bathed in the low glow of the lamp that stood on the table beside Seiichi's bed.

Syuusuke watched as Seiichi slowly slid on his shirt, his movements graceful, but slow. His blue eyes were open as they followed every move that the older boy's body made: the small ripples of his muscles, the dance-like movement of his back as it arched to slide into the shirt, the reflection of the low light against his pale skin…

"Beautiful," He murmured, blinking in amazement. He saw Seiichi turn his head around to look at him in confusion, twin dark orbs that were affixed upon an alabaster canvas. Syuusuke just smiled slightly. "Beautiful."

"What is?" Seiichi asked, his hands lowering from the still-open top, the button-and-hole he was fiddling with falling as they were forgotten. The contours of his chest were lined with shadows and highlights, making an impressive image of glory as the light from the lamp shone behind him. His fine blue hair glowed.

"You," Syuusuke stood up, walking towards Seiichi. His hand caressed his cheek gently, and his eyes softened as they looked into the dark depths of Seiichi's eyes. He felt the younger boy's breath hitch as he brought his face a slight distance closer. His lips were tainted with an infectious smile as he took in the sight of the blue-haired boy's obvious confusion.

"W-what do you mean?" He asked, his voice cracking slightly at the beginning as his eyes flickered from left to right, not meeting the slitted blue eyes as his body stiffened.

Syuusuke stepped away from him, his fingers lingering on Seiichi's cheek as his feet moved back – but reluctantly. He turned around, walking towards his bed, going back to the forgotten laptop. "It's only an observation," He murmured, looking at him with his previously-open-now-closed eyes. He smiled again, before swinging the lid of the laptop open, waiting for the machine to reload. Once it did, he began clicking on items on the screen, his feet swaying in the air.

-x-

I slowly remembered how to breath as my eyes stared at the back of the boy that kept me anchored onto the world, yet blew me into the atmosphere, free for the wind to hurl anywhere. I shivered at the look in his eyes – they were predatory, hard, desiring; and yet they were so gentle – as I turned around to pick at my shirt again. I could feel the shivering run up and down my spine as I managed to get my shaking fingers to operate, one-by-one sliding buttons into buttonholes, skimming fingers down fabric.

I continued to stand, staring at the last button of my shirt, my fingers still gripping onto the accessory. My nails were chipped, I noticed; chipped, short and a pale pink, like the pink of a peach, or of cherry blossoms. I let go shakily, my head straightening up as I took in a deep breath that seemed to dry out the back of my throat. "I'm going to the bathroom," I said softly, forcing my voice to stay strong, and not to break like glass against a wall.

"Okay," I heard him murmur back. The clacking of fingers against keys was heard as he typed something. I let out an inaudible sigh – but I had a suspicion that he could hear it – and walked towards the immaculate bathroom the school provided. Once I entered the relative safety of the room, and closed the door, I collapsed onto my posterior, my back resting against the door. I let out a soft groan; letting my head lean back until it hit the wooden door with a soft thud. I didn't understand.

I didn't understand why everyone acted like they did around me: Shirai- no, Kuranosuke and his kiss, Syuusuke and his enigmatic words, my team with their strange, silent behavior…

I stood up slowly, and looked into the mirror. I blinked slowly, my eyes taking in the sight of my face. The last time I saw my own face was when I fell unconscious… in… the shower… My hand went up to touch my cheek, and I suddenly felt fire consume them. My fingers brushed my lips, and I shut my eyes tightly, trying in vain to block out the look in Shi- Kuranosuke's eyes, the gentleness, the way he kissed me-

The feeling of chapped lips pressing against mine, the way he made me gasp, the way he made me feel so… _Loved_, yet so _inferior_, making me feel like I _had_ to _depend_ on him to be able to _survive_ this world. His fingers had caressed my skin almost sweetly, and I suddenly felt a nostalgia take over me. I wanted his arms around me, I wanted his lips touching mine, and I wanted his body against my own body- _But Syuusuke_, I heard my mind whisper.

I turned the tap on with fumbling hands, and I hastily splashed water onto my face, and I placed my hands under the torrent of lukewarm water. I stared at the white rapids that were created. I felt droplets trickle off my chin and into the sink again.

My heart began to thud again, wanting me to hear it, and I could hear water rushing around me, drowning me in the sea of torn feelings, one unrequited _desire_, and one unrequited _love_. My hands shook, reaching out to grab both sides of the sink as I stared into the mirror with restrained fear. I… I screwed my eyes shut, my head snapping to the left as my shoulders shook.

"Who do I love? Who do I desire?" I whispered to myself in a small voice. The water continued to rush out of the tap. I had no answer. No deity above, no human alive, no _being_ would or could answer me. I had to find out myself. But I didn't know where to find my answer. I didn't know what I felt. I didn't know who I felt for.

"Seiichi," I heard.

I opened my eyes. I looked up, and I saw Syuusuke's face in the mirror. He looked confused. His eyes were closed. _They were closed_. I blinked, and I slowly, hesitantly, turned the tap off, and the sound – the music in the room! – ceased, leaving behind an awkward, deafening silence.

"Seiichi," He murmured again. He walked towards me, and I felt his hand on my cheek. His eyes opened. They were electrifying. "Seiichi…" His voice drifted off, before ringing into silence. I shivered, my eyes stuck to their position, staring into his eyes. I could see him inch forward, not hesitant, but not confidently either…

I closed my eyes when his lips touched mine. His lips were unexpectedly soft, moving slightly against mine without resistance. I felt his fingers bury in my hair, and his chest brush against mine. I leaned down slightly for him to be able to kiss me better, but he suddenly broke the kiss, and he smiled at me with his blue eyes. I looked at him in confusion, but he kissed me lightly again, pulling my hand. I let him take me to the main room of the dormitory, and I let him push me onto his bed. He kissed me once more. His lips were too soft. His eyes were too sharp.

"You don't mind," He asked without questioning. I shook my head, and he smiled. He touched my cheek with his hand gently, and Syuusuke's eyes closed again, but into a curved slit that indicated happiness.

-x-

The petite brunette gently pushed Seiichi down onto the bed, resting his head against the pillow as he sat on Seiichi's hips. He smiled a small smile as he kissed Seiichi deeply, his fingers trailed underneath his shirt. He could feel the firmness of his muscles underneath his skin, and Syuusuke felt wonder as they wandered around Seiichi's abdomen, entranced at the softness of his skin, and the flawless texture it held.

Seiichi's breath hitched, and his eyes stared into Syuusuke's with a look of… _Something_. His mouth opened slightly, and his body trembled. "Syuusuke," he whispered. The brunette looked at him with a slightly puzzled face. "P-please, just- just do it."

Syuusuke smiled again, and he slowly unbuttoned Seiichi's shirt. "If you wish." He kissed the exposed skin lightly, and he continued to undress Seiichi with a gentle hand. Once his shirt had fallen off, he pulled his own shirt off, uncovering a lightly tanned torso, sculpted by long times of training. He draped himself over Seiichi, and he kissed him softly. "You won't mind if I get… Rough, do you?"

Seiichi's eyes were slightly unfocused as his fingers trailed up Syuusuke's back. "N-no," He gave a crooked smile. He leaned up to kiss him lightly. "I won't." Syuusuke smiled and he traced his fingernail shallowly against Seiichi's side, from shoulder to hip. His fingers hooked underneath the fabric of his pants as he peeled it off slowly. He felt the younger boy shiver as he began revealing pale, white skin.

The low lighting gave the room a sensual feel, and Syuusuke could feel his eyes closing halfway as he ground his hips against Seiichi's. He paused, and he felt Seiichi's fingers grip his shoulders. They were weak. They shook against his skin.

"S-Syuusuke," He murmured, the light reflecting poorly against his facial features. His dark eyes caught some of the light, and they became a lighter shade of blue- the blue of lapis lazuli. Syuusuke leaned down, kissing his neck. He finally slid off Seiichi's pants, and he traced circles against his hip. "I…"

"Shh…" The brunette kissed him softly again. He stripped himself of his clothing, and he smiled. "It's purely physical, from now on." Seiichi nodded hesitantly, a light flush taking over his cheeks. He scrambled up, his back resting against the headrest instead of the bed. Syuusuke smiled again. "So cute," he murmured.

Seiichi's blush turned darker.

-x-

I moaned softly as he moved into me, my fingers gripping tighter into his hair. Syuusuke's heavy panting was against my collarbone as he moved inside of me again. I let out a soft mewl as I felt his fingers crawl up my skin- setting my nerves on fire. Sweat trickled down my jaw, down my neck. "Syuu-!" I gasped out, when he slammed into my body. I was unbelievably filled- I couldn't move much- only enough to try to encourage him to continue on this moment. His ragged breathing filled my ears as I tried to take in more air, my deprived lungs screaming in abuse. I felt my body shudder as his lips encased mine.

"Seiichi," Syuusuke purred. His blue eyes caught mine. I was caught in his spell. He was beautiful. "Moan for me," he said. I shivered at the predatory look in his eyes as he entered me _soooo_ slowly, and I moaned. I could feel my body wrack with spasms as I orgasmed, my eyes rolling to the back of my head. I could see- hear- feel- I was surrounded by darkness as I curled against Syuusuke, my breathing erratic. His name was the only thing on my lips as I felt him continue to move against me, my eyes closed, my fingers gripping his shoulders. His fingers left what seemed like cuts on my skin as he curled them into my hair, his lips attacking my neck, going up to my jaw. I felt him smile into my skin. I moaned again, and I suddenly gasped when he released into me, and I shuddered.

"Syuusuke!" I moaned out.

"Seiichi," He murmured back, kissing me lightly. He pulled out of me – and I shuddered once more – and he lay me out gently on the bed. His sweaty body was like a godly image on front of me, and I smiled slightly. "I'm going to take a bath… Are you going to join me?"

"Hai," I managed to say without stuttering. He pulled me up, and he smiled up at me as we walked towards the bathroom, unashamed in our nakedness. He slipped into the shower and I followed, blushing slightly when he curled his arms around my neck. He kissed me softly, before he let go, turning on the water. I yelped when it was cold, but it turned warm after a few seconds.

"Sorry," he cooed. Syuusuke's blue eyes continued to look into mine before they closed. "Are you alright?" I nodded. It was only just a splash of water… I leaned down to rest my forehead against his. I then realized that I loved Syuusuke, and desired Kuranosuke. But would it last? I wondered. Everything could change within a second, a blink of an eye.

I closed my eyes, and decided to cherish whatever I could get, and I vowed, silently, that I would try to rebuild myself, to become Yukimura Seiichi, no longer the captain of Rikkaidai's team, but the strong person that people could defeat, yet come back more powerful than ever… But for now, it would be an impossible dream. I was still a broken puzzle that needed to be put back together. I knew that Syuusuke would be there to help. I smiled slightly when I could feel his skin touch mine, and his soft voice in my ears.

High-school love was not everlasting. I knew that. But I also knew that it would be something that I could hang onto, until I could stand on my feet once more, and further on than that… It would last until I could no longer feel that love.

_and I believed that that love would never fade._


	5. Chapter 5

-**chapter five**-

_Every time Syuusuke would touch me – accidentally or not – I would blush darkly, feeling my cheeks heat up with blood, and I would shy away from it- but only to have him smile at me, and take my hand. My heart would pound loudly, and I could hear it in my ears, erratically, fast, slowly, it – my heart – quickened with every second. His laughter would sound. He would guide me when I was blinded, his eyes fixed upon mine as he walked backwards towards something he couldn't see. If he fell, I picked him up. If I fell, he picked me up. It was… Mutually beneficial, the way it felt. At night, his tongue would sing words of persuasion, and I would fall under his command as he proceeded to show merely, and nothing else, a physical love for me._

_Sex, I believe, is the only way I can now convey my feelings. When he moves against me, I push back. When he pulls away, I pull him towards me. When he laughs, I moan… He doesn't understand how much I truly need him, does he?_

I let out a soft sigh.

Syuusuke lay down beside me, his smile on his lips, and his finger brushing some of my hair away from my face. He kissed my jaw, and his arm drifted down from my shoulders to my waist, pulling me against his body. My book fell on the ground, forgotten, as his lips claimed mine, as sweet as the smile he always had on his face, but as poisonous as the self-hatred that I have come to desire, the masochistic pain I wanted to feel. His fingers pulled against my shirt, and he took it off, his eyes still closed. I let him, and rolled on my back obediently as he straddled my waist.

If I could keep him with me, that was all I needed. His fingers drew shapes against my skin as his lips kissed my torso, reducing me into a whimpering mess… And that: that was all he needed.

-x-

Syuusuke took Seiichi's hand as they walked down the corridor towards their classroom, both smiling, both glowing. Syuusuke's eyes glanced at the barely hidden mark on Seiichi's neck, and his smile became a little bit wider. He could see that the taller boy had a faint flush over his cheeks as he – Seiichi – followed him – Syuusuke –. He was sweet, the brunette thought. Sweet, and beautiful… somewhat like a sculpture made of chocolate. He licked his lips once, remembering the taste of Seiichi's skin, glancing at said boy with his closed eyes.

"S-Syuusuke…" Seiichi murmured. His dark blue eyes met Syuusuke's closed eyelids. "I… What do you feel about me?" His voice was curious, sad, and very, very quiet. The brunette was stumped for a moment, stopping. His eyes opened, and he looked at Seiichi with his bright blue-fire eyes.

"… I like you." He answered, his own voice quiet. He smiled shyly. "And I want to help you." The dark-haired boy's eyes closed halfway, not meeting Syuusuke's; and instead, he was looking at the ground. "Oh…" Seiichi sighed out, as if he was relieved. (But what for?) His sweet blush darkened slightly, and he continued to walk, his fingers fidgeting slightly with the hem of his shirt. "Why?"

Seiichi just smiled, his eyes glowing like a muted firefly.

Syuusuke smiled back, his hand still curled around one of Seiichi's. He squeezed it lightly, pulling him gently. "We're almost at our classroom, Seiichi."

-x-

Kuranosuke was bored. He looked at the city on front of him with grey eyes that were filled with apathy, his hair being blown into the wind. He didn't have his middle-school teammates to bug, boss around, or tease anymore… Well, at least he still had Chitose Senri's phone number and address… He sighed softly, closing his eyes. Goddammit! He was bored-! He felt something cold, and wet, brush over his hand, and he opened his eyes. Looking at _whateveritwas_ with a slight trepidation and, a lot more of, annoyance.

"Well, hello there," he murmured, his eyes still watching the slug that was crawling over his hand. "What brought you onto my hand?" Once it was fully on Kuranosuke's hand, said teenager brought his hand up to his face, looking at the gastropod with scrutinizing eyes. "… You're fat." He suddenly laughed, his eyes moving away from the animal, to look into the sky. "And I'm talking to mute animals!"

The blond-haired teenager smiled, and put his hand back down onto the ground, waiting patiently for the slug to make its merry way into the depths of the grass, only to be eaten by a predator, or reproduce to swarm the world with garden pests. He looked away, to look around the empty park. Osaka was very, very boring, he thought. It wasn't what he liked, actually. He liked things spontaneous, unpredictable, fun, and everything that wasn't boring! He let out soft sigh as the wind blew around his body, losing force because of the blockade his body made. "I wonder how Seiichi-chan is?" He murmured, smiling. He felt the coldness of the slug leave his hand, and he shuddered slightly. He remembered that slugs secreted _mucus_ – yes, _mucus_ that runs out of your nose when you're sick! – that protected them… And said mucus was covering his entire hand.

"Ew," he shivered, standing up. He picked up his bag and surreptitiously wiped his hand on his borrowed-from-guy-in-Science-class' textbook, looking somewhat nonplussed. Which meaning, he did not know, after all, nonplussed had two opposite meanings…! Kuranosuke groaned. "Now I'm becoming a freak. A dictionary freak!" Kuranosuke paused, his foot halfway in the position to take the first step in walking. "Actually… It's Friday today, right? I wonder if Seiichi-chan wouldn't mind a surprise visit…" He smiled. _It's time to make a phone call._

_**hourslateritwasteno'clockandhewaswalkingnowhere**_

The blond yawned slightly, walking towards the house, which he knew housed the Fuji family. His right – and bandaged – hand gripped onto the leather strap of his bag with a loose, carefree grasp. Once he reached the door, he lifted his right hand to press the bell. He clicked it twice, listening to the faint sound of ringing through the door. He then noted it sounded not dissimilar to 'Mary Had A Little Lamb'.

He cracked a small smile.

Soon, the door swung open, revealing a yawning Fuji-junior – Kuranosuke forgot his name –, dressed in a t-shirt and pajama-bottoms that sported an attractive print of tennis balls. He looked somewhat annoyed as he peered closely at the blond.

"Oh. It's you…" He yawned again, and he glared blearily. "What do you want, Shitenhouji-buchou?"

Kuranosuke looked sheepish as he smiled uncertainly. "May I stay over?" He sighed softly. "I sort of got kicked out of my house…" _Well, I kicked myself out of the house, so that's not far from the truth…_ Yuuta scowled slightly.

"You know you're asking a-a-" he yawned loudly, covering his mouth with his hand, "at ten in the night?"

"I think I did," he answered wryly. "Besides, Fuji – your brother – told me I could stay over whenever." Kuranosuke gave him a quick smile, before his face reverted back to its neutral look. It wasn't hard to understand why some people didn't like Fuji's brother, he thought. He _was_ annoying.

"Aa." Yuuta slammed the door shut in his face.

The blond blinked, his eyes staring at the door. _What…? _"How rude!" He muttered, looking slightly peeved. He rang the bell again, but he only got silence as an answer. "… Fuji's little brother is so mean," he said in a soft, and annoyed voice.

"I heard that!"

Kuranosuke looked bemused when he saw Yuuta face pop out from behind the door, glaring at him. Fuji senior had scarier eyes, he noted. So, he told Yuuta just that. "Your brother is scarier."

"Psh," Yuuta gestured angrily with his hand. "Just come on in… And don't touch anything. Don't wake me up, and don't even _think_ about touching the soft drinks inside the fridge," his eyes narrowed. "I'm going to bed… You can just take the guest bedroom."

"Hai," the blond chirped, grinning. He always got what he wanted!

-x-

His lips were intoxicating, and his skin was satin. His moans were enrapturing, and his reactions were addictive. It wasn't hard for Syuusuke to be completely consumed with desire for Seiichi.

The darker-haired teenager drew in soft, whimpering breaths as he looked up at Syuusuke with wide, vulnerable eyes; his cheeks alight with a soft pink blush. Sweat trickled down his neck, where unforgiving marks could be seen, and made a sensuous trail down his chest, leaving the damp skin glowing with an ethereal shine. The brunette smiled, his eyes perusing the sight on front of him with a dragging sensuality, making the endearing blush on Seiichi's face go darker.

Syuusuke cooed softly, and he glanced towards the clock. "It's ten," he murmured. Seiichi nodded, not seeming to register his words as his hand skimmed over Syuusuke's torso to the back of his neck, pulling him down onto his body. His lips desperately traveled over Syuusuke's face to meet his lips, moving eagerly as he tried to get Syuusuke to give him more.

The brunette laughed softly, and he felt Seiichi's arousal against his. He smiled slightly. Syuusuke moved his hips minutely, making the blue-haired teenager moan softly against his lips. The little mewl that escaped Seiichi's lips made Syuusuke smile wider, and he gripped Seiichi's wrists, pulling them away from his neck and body. "And we're going to my house tomorrow," he continued, his lips making a ticklish trail down his neck. "You know I like you, right?"

"Mm, I know… I love you too." Seiichi looked at Syuusuke confusedly. What was he going on about? "Syuusuke- what are you talking about? I don't really understand."

"… It's just that you're going to be limping about tomorrow."

… … …

I flushed darkly, my body stopping, as I finally understood what he was going on about. His eyes glinted in the low lighting of the room.

"I…" He smiled, and he got off me, moving so that he lay beside me on the bed.

"Tomorrow," he said with a soft promise in his voice. I shifted so that I lay on my side, so that I could face him. My eyes flickered across his face as I took in the soft contours of the muscles that lay under his skin, and the delicate bone structure that framed his face. His arm went around my waist as he pulled me against his smaller, yet wiry, body.

"… Hai." I pressed my lips against his forehead, hesitantly. I heard him hum, and I then closed my eyes.

…

…

…

And I then realized, just then, that Syuusuke made my nightmares disappear.


	6. Chapter 6

-**chapter six**-

To say I was surprised to see Sh- Kuranosuke at Syuusuke's house would have been an understatement. However, I wasn't surprised to see that Syuusuke seemed to have anticipated that.

"Ah, Shiraishi-san," Syuusuke beamed at the blond captain, who smiled back.

"Fuji-kun. Seii," he gave me a little secretive smile, and my cheeks went into a pale shade of pink. "Your brother was an excellent host," he said to Syuusuke.

"Mm… Yuuta can be the most chivalrous person, should he put his mind to it," the brunette said with a little quirk of his lips.

I could feel his arm go around my waist, and I could feel his hand press firmly against my thigh. His face didn't betray any of his thoughts, but I knew my face did. My cheeks were steadily darkening into a bright red, and I was sure that Kuranosuke and Syuusuke noticed it. But they didn't say anything, and I was grateful for that.

Kuranosuke's hand touched my cheek as Syuusuke and I passed by him, and his eyes glowed with a hidden desire. I felt my breath hitch as our eyes stayed fixed upon each other, and I could only pull away from the seductive pull of his gaze when Syuusuke tilted my face away from his, to give me a little look of annoyance.

"Seiichi," he purred coyly. "Tonight, remember?" My mouth went dry, and my eyes widened. I could feel a little coil at the base of my stomach tighten as I felt a little spark of anticipation rise within my soul. I didn't notice the sudden, vindictive look within Kuranosuke's eyes as I followed Syuusuke, as if I were a blind puppy.

However, I didn't know that Syuusuke had noticed his eyes.

-x-

Kuranosuke wasn't a person to feel strong emotions. He also wasn't a person to get jealous easily. However, as always, there were exceptions – and in the case of one Yukimura Seiichi, he found that he had that so-called 'green-eyed monster' wake up from within the vestiges of his soul and rear its (extremely, seriously, and absolutely) ugly head.

"… Kuranosuke?"

The blond snapped out of his thoughts – of committing homicide on a person that went around with perpetually closed eyes and had brunette hair (and on a second thought: didn't go to Rikkaidai) –, and turned to look at Seiichi. "Yes, Seii?"

The former Rikkai student's cheeks went slightly pink, and Kuranosuke smiled slightly. _How cute._

"Y-you just look angry," he mentioned, not meeting the former Shitenhouji-captain's eyes. Seiichi's cheeks were still pink in his embarrassment of being called 'Seii'.

"Don't worry about it." The Shitenhouji captain said. "It's been a long day for me. Even though it's still eleven in the morning," he added, his tone light and joking. The blue-haired male nodded, blinking slowly, as if in thought. Suddenly, Kuranosuke was glad that Fuji wasn't there. He smirked slightly, noticing that Seiichi was sitting on Fuji's bed, while he was sitting on a chair by a desk, which was near said bed.

_Should I…?_ He wondered fleetingly.

Seiichi shifted slightly on the bed, mussing up the bed sheets even more than it had been, previously. He looked slightly uncomfortable under the scrutinizing gaze of Kuranosuke. His eyes flickered from the blond's grey ones, to the bed again. He could feel his cheeks heat up, and he flushed even darker in embarrassment. Why did he keep blushing in both Syuusuke and Kuranosuke's presences!

The blond smiled, standing up. He walked over to Seiichi, his steps slow, and strangely reminiscent to a predator… He reached out, putting a finger under Seiichi's chin, tilting his head up. His lips curled into a stronger smile, and he leaned forward, just minutely, his free head moving to cup the back of Seiichi's head. "Seiichi," he murmured.

A little flicker of _something_ could be seen in Seiichi's eyes, and Kuranosuke could feel Seiichi try to pull away from his grip. He tightened his grip on Seiichi's head, his fingers curling into his hair.

"Don't fight back. I don't want to hurt you," the blond continued, his hand releasing Seiichi's chin. It then went down his neck, brushing sensually against his skin, and his fingers brushed against the hollow of his shoulders, to cup the curve of his shoulder. The blue-haired teenager's eyes flickered from his eyes to the distracting closeness of his lips, and he involuntarily made a little gasp. Kuranosuke smiled widely, and he pressed his lips – somewhat roughly – against Seiichi's, eliciting another gasp.

"K-Kuranosuke-!" Seiichi exclaimed softly, once his lips had been released from the blond's. Said blond, however, raised an eyebrow in response.

"Yes, Seiichi?" He replied evenly, as if he hadn't just kissed the older boy. It was only after he said, "Did you want something?" that he let out a cheeky grin.

The former Rikkaidai student looked scandalized, and he didn't seem to notice the ever-tightening grip in his hair as he tried to find words to say.

Kuranosuke kissed his lips harder, almost forcing Seiichi down onto the bed in his surprise. "Hush!" He ordered. Twin blue eyes looked up at him as Seiichi used his elbows to keep himself upright- well, that is, if you considered him being halfway lying down, upright.

The sharp gray eyes that belonged to the former Shitenhouji-captain softened slightly, and his fingers brushed his cheek affectionately. However, he didn't move away, making Seiichi highly uncomfortable.

_Syuusuke…! Where are you?_ The blue-haired male thought in slight panic. However, his thoughts were stopped when the blond jerked his hand, forcing Seiichi's head to tilt upwards, sharply. Seiichi let out a little cry of pain, which was drowned under the quasi-chaos that was created when Kuranosuke pushed him down onto the bed; his hands moving from holding onto Seiichi's body, to go on either side of Seiichi's head. Kuranosuke smiled down at Seiichi, not knowing that his smile was tinted with a look of satisfied vengeance. It felt good, the feeling of getting back at Fuji – _who is a little bitch, and not deserving of Seiichi._ Fuji, the perfect little genius who always got the best things that life had to offer…

_He'll know that his little toy has been tainted, with my hands!_

-x-

Syuusuke was feeling an odd sense of foreboding. Why, he wasn't so sure. He frowned slightly, his mind elsewhere as his body moved of its own accord, getting the boxes from the car and putting it onto the cart nearby for his sister.

"Syuusuke – thanks!"

He looked up from the box he was holding to smile at Yumiko, who had been discussing something with the man in charge of delivering the boxes. "No problem, nee-san," he said.

"Why don't you go back in the house? I'll take care of everything else," Yumiko told him, smiling back. She brushed her hair away from her face, looking mildly irritated at her somewhat-messy blond hair. When he nodded, she turned back to the man – who looked enamoured with her. He smiled again and he entered the modest-looking house once more.

Syuusuke lingered at the whitewood doorway for a minute – to watch Yuuta over-water the already-drowning plants, while humming an off-key tune strangely reminiscent to Pachebel's Canon – before he began walking to his room where Seiichi was. As he walked up the stairs step-by-step, he looked at his pictures fleetingly, remembering all the moments that he had been in to take them. He stopped momentarily to touch the glass of a picture-

Syuusuke's eyes opened. He could hear little whimpers, and soft protests, coming from his room. The brunette hurried towards the door, behind which, held the scene he so dreaded- yet wanted to see. He hesitantly reached for the doorknob. He turned it ever so slowly as he tilted his head away from the door, his body instinctively moving to try to block the sight of the scene.

He didn't notice his body moving… And then, the door opened.

"Mm- stop!"

Syuusuke looked at them, taking in the sight of Seiichi naked and struggling, pinned to the bed by Shiraishi, who was equally naked. The blue-haired teenager had vividly flushed cheeks and was heaving for air. Syuusuke noticed that he had a trail of red marks going down his neck as his hands pushed against Shiraishi's chest without success.

Seiichi's eyes were wide as he pleaded softly, "Please-"

"Hush," Shiraishi's hand covered his lips, as his other hand went down his torso, scratching at his pale skin. Soon enough, light-red marks appeared, and Syuusuke could feel anger spark within his mind when he saw that Seiichi's flesh had risen from the injury.

"Shiraishi."

The blond looked up, his lips slowly curving into a smirk. "Looks like I've been caught, Seiichi," he said in a mocking voice, his eyes sparkling in delight. "What will happen to me? I tremble at the thought of my punishment." Shiraishi smirked wider. Seiichi looked petrified, looking at Syuusuke with wide eyes as he went limp underneath Shiraishi.

"… Get out of my house." Syuusuke whispered, glaring at the blond. When Shiraishi didn't respond, his glare intensified. "Get out of my fucking house!" He yelled.

"Alright, alright," Shiraishi stood up, with an aura of satisfaction around him. He then walked over to the pile of clothing on the floor, and he pulled his pants on, taking his time as he threaded his belt through the belt-loops. He smirked again when he saw the brunette pull the taller former-captain into his embrace, his icy eyes still fixed upon him. "… Actually," he turned to face Syuusuke. "I want you to know something."

"What is that?" The brunette asked in a cold voice. He looked down at his inamorato. Seiichi's eyes had reverted back to their normal sizes, and he was leaning heavily against Syuusuke, who had – by then – pulled his blanket around his waist to cover him somewhat.

"You're not the only one who wants Seiichi."


	7. Chapter 7

-**chapter seven**-

I thought that I'd put my days within Rikkaidai behind me. I thought that I wouldn't have to face the facts that tormented me long before. I thought that… I could play pretend, and forget all about the problems that plague my mind again and again and again. But Fate had different plans for me.

"Buchou…"

Akaya was looking shocked, his hand halfway in the process of taking a Ponta can from the shelf. I winced slightly – though he didn't catch it. That Ponta… Didn't that Seigaku kid drink that? I could feel the phantom pain within my chest rise once more, and I fought the urge to rub my chest, to try to quell the feeling.

"Akaya." I greeted, feeling awkward. The last time I saw Akaya was in my house, where I had fainted. That… Because of that, I suddenly felt shameful. I wanted to scream, I wanted to yell. I wanted to take him by the shoulders and yell at him, "Forget all about me! I am nothing!" …

But I found that I was incapable of extinguishing the small flicker of hope that sprung within the depths of his verdant eyes. He suddenly rushed at me, crushing me against his body. He buried his head into my chest, his messy hair tickling my cheeks.

"Buchou…" Akaya repeated, his voice shaky. "What happened to you?" I slowly put my hands around his torso, wanting to run away from his touch. I was undeserving of this… His love, his admiration, his worship was something that I was not supposed to have.

I could feel the stares of the shoppers around us, but I ignored it, looking down at my protégé with inner turmoil. I didn't know the answer to his question. I didn't know what happened. Did that match affect me that much? Losing wasn't supposed to hurt _this much_.

"I lost," was all I could say.

His shoulders shook. I felt moisture against my chest. … And my eyes, they- they just… _Failed_ me.

A tear fell.

… … …

Syuusuke's clenched fists slowly uncurled, with his breathing harsh. That… That Shiraishi… What made him so- so irritating, suddenly? He was formerly just a person who managed to defeat him. He was now… a rival, an enemy- and someone who wanted _his_ Seiichi. He'd put his lips on Seiichi's skin, covering it with his taint, making the former-Rikkai no longer _purely his_.

He knew he was being selfish, but he hated, detested, _loathed_ sharing what was rightfully his. He had Seiichi first, he gave Seiichi guidance; he gave Seiichi _love_- surely that meant he was his? The brunette took in a quick – yet deep – breath, his fists slowly unclenching, making the blood that had been gathering from the pressure he'd applied on his hands rush through his veins, making his hands feel highly peculiar, with an icy feeling spreading out from under his skin, and his hands trembled, making him understand that he couldn't use them for a few moments: until his rebelling body came back under his control.

"Seiichi…" The brunette murmured to himself, yearningly, as if Seiichi were there. "Where are you?" _Are you with that Shiraishi?_

He stood up, to walk towards the fading torrent of light that came from the window, and he pressed his hand against the glass, watching the condensation forming around his fingers with a thoughtless curiosity. The little beads of water – too small to be seen individually – and the way that when light entered them, a shimmering and barely seen rainbow was formed… He could see the little dust motes in the air react to every breath he made, spiraling in an everlasting dance around the many atoms that created the air. Oxygen… Nitrogen… Carbon dioxide… Argon… Water vapour… Carbon dioxide.

The brunette could suddenly feel the weight of his death – maybe decades to come, maybe only hours to come – press down on him. _With every breath I take, I'm dooming myself to inevitable death. Every breath kills cells within me, and every breath I take…_

"Seiichi." He said forcefully. _I have to get to him. If- if that _bastard_ gets to him…_

Syuusuke quickly went to his phone, dialing the number that was allocated to Seiichi when he'd bought his mobile phone. And he heard Seiichi's voice.

"_Hello, this is Yukimura Seiichi. I'm sorry, but I can't answer your call because I'm either busy, my phone's off, or I'm asleep- hey! Give that back- um, I'll try to get back at you, and leave a message after the beep! Get back here you-"_ BEEP.

His hand clenched around the phone, his eyes opening into narrow slits as he glared furiously at the mirror that had been conveniently placed on front of him. "… Where are you, Seiichi?"

… … …

"I'm sorry… I'm so, so sorry… I can't-"

"Buchou…"

I could feel his arms go around me, in a futile attempt to stop me from crying, shaking, or just to try to get _his own self_ to feel better. I couldn't stop the tears from falling from my eyes, and I could feel my body shaking from the violence of the crying. His head was resting against mine, and his hair tickled my skin, the curliness of his hair going into every little patch of skin on my neck.

"Akaya- I don't know what to do! I'm pathetic – I don't deserve to be here!" I gasped out, my breath coming out too strongly – I couldn't breath- I needed air- I couldn't breath- _I needed air-_

His hands were suddenly on my cheeks, and his lips against mine, moving against my lips with inexperience. His eyes were moist as they looked into mine, and I could feel my shattered past-self quiver from the look in his verdant, crystalline eyes.

He looked so vulnerable. His structure of stability had crumbled: the base had cracked. I was that base- and I'd betrayed his trust.

I could feel this kiss of- this kiss of _need_ for _solidity_ in life slowly weaken, and Akaya suddenly looked guilty, scooting away from me to the end of the couch.

"I- I'm sorry!" He half-yelled at me, his body trembling as he tried to settle himself down. "Buchou- I didn't-"

"Akaya."

He fell silent, his hands shaking violently on his lap, fidgeting as if he didn't know what he had to do: did he have to apologize? Did I not mind it? Would I punish him? Will I hate him?

"… I…" I leaned over to kiss his forehead, wishing to calm him – and myself – down, my own feelings as shaken as his. _Syuusuke… I- I'm so sorry. First, Kuranosuke, and now, Akaya… why do you still stay with me? Why do you stay even though I… I am so _unfaithful_? _My thoughts were running wild as I began to imagine Syuusuke; my beautiful, loving, _stranger_ of a savior, of an angel leaving my side. I held the urge to cry once more, and I could still feel the little droplets of tears on my cheeks: tauntingly euphoric.

I then realized at that moment, I'd become addicted to my pain.

-x-

"Seiichi!" Kuranosuke grinned.

_How lucky,_ he thought._ I was just hanging out here, because I missed my bus… Thank you Kami-sama,_ his smile curved wider as he waved at the startled-looking teenager. The former Rikkaidai student was still as beautiful as he was, the day before. No marks were visible, apart from that little red spot on his neck, and his swollen… lips…

Kuranosuke's grey eyes narrowed. Jealously. Dangerously. Hatefully.

"K-Kuranosuke," Seiichi stammered, seemingly frozen on his spot. His eyes were wide, and filled with fear. _But why? Who would put such a disgusting feeling into his eyes?_ The blond wondered, reaching out to hold Seiichi's chin. However, he flinched back, making the blond blink in surprise. He lowered his hand, feeling hurt.

"… How are you?" He asked, softly. "Is everything alright?"

The blue-haired male just nodded, unresponsive. The former Shitenhouji captain was disconcerted. _What happened to you?_

Kuranosuke reached out his hand for Seiichi to take, uncomfortable in his insecurity. "Why don't we go somewhere else? Somewhere we can talk?" His eyes were hopeful, looking into Seiichi's pleadingly.

Seiichi bowed his head, motionless for a moment. He raised his head again, his eyes meeting Kuranosuke's. He took the blond's hand somewhat timidly, his movement hesitant.

"I- I know a place." His movements, everything he did, were troubled, and lacking in confidence… As if he was going through something difficult.

"Let's go then."

…

_If it was Fuji who did this to you… I'll murder him,_

_and I wouldn't even regret it, even as the police take me away,_

_with me, still stained with the crimson-red blood on my hands,_

_laughing madly into the empty air._

…

… … …

Strong hands. Little kisses. Powerful movements.

_Haa- haa… Uh, mm!_

I could feel his breath on my neck as I tried to stop myself from screaming in desire, my lip bleeding in my effort. The little river of blood had trickled down my face to run down my neck, to mingle with the sweat on my collarbone. His lips pressed against the hollow of my neck, and his teeth grazed-

"K-Kura-Kuranosuke!" I gasped out, his fingers gripping tighter into my hips. His nails were cutting into my skin- it felt so painful- it was so _good_- I wanted it to stop- he suddenly stopped, making me groan, from need. _Don't stop! Stop! _My thoughts were betraying each other. I knew that this wasn't right; Syuusuke was there for me- he was waiting for me. He… Loved me.

… Right-?

"Ah- ah!" My fingers gripped the sheets urgently, needing something to hold onto, to anchor myself from desire. His moving was _so_ good, _divine_. I moaned into the air, unable to remember how I got here, or where I was.

_Kuranosuke was too powerful._

I needed him to stop. I needed to get- get back to Syuusuke. He was waiting… Waiting for me!

"Syuusuke-!" I managed to say. "He- he's at home, waiting,"

"Then leave him."

My breath caught in my throat.

His face was suddenly so close to mine, his lips almost pressing against mine.

"Leave Fuji. He doesn't want you like I do." Kuranosuke's voice was so sweet, so tempting. His eyes were soft, vulnerable; so… loving… "I love you, Seiichi."

_I love you, Seiichi._

I'd never heard Syuusuke say that to me. They were- they were the _three words I'd never heard Syuusuke say to me._ I then knew… I was Kuranosuke's. No matter if he were lying to me, no matter if he was doing this to get back at Syuusuke… _He said he loved me._

"I- I…"

-x-

_****_

_letmegoletmegoletmego!_

His lips were on mine, and I struggled to breathe, struggled to find my bearings.

_letmegoletmegoletmego!_

I thrashed in his embrace, suddenly stifled by his presence. I could feel his arms lock around my back, holding me tightly against his chest, encasing me inside a cocoon of warmth – but it was a warmth I detested – so, so much, unexpectedly.

_letmegoletmegoletmego!_

"LET ME GO!"

I pushed his arms away from me, shrinking into myself, breathing heavily.

His eyes were wide, and staring at me with hurt. "S-Seiichi?"

"Stay away from me!" I exclaimed, backing away. I could feel his arms still around me, the walls enclosing in on me. Clawing in my throat was claustrophobia, vertigo, no- _terror_. I didn't want his hands on me, I didn't want _my angel's _fingers touching me_. _"I- I _hate you_!"

Syuusuke froze. His entire body was ice, it was granite – it was unbreakable. His eyes, they were so pained. They shattered. They were broken. _They were no longer the icy-blue orbs I loved._

"I never- never want to see y-you again-!" Tears were coming out. My voice began cracking. "I never-!" _Want to be apart from you._ I collapsed onto the floor, sobbing into my hands. I wanted his arms around me so badly. I couldn't let him. _I love you._ "I- I need to go. I need to leave, Sy- Fuji. I need my space!" He was silent, his hand still reached out into air. He wasn't looking at anything. Just… into space. Without thought.

_Don't become like me. I love you. I love you so much. _I continued to cry, feeling the tears running down my arms and onto the wooden slabs of the floor.

The brunette suddenly sat down, collapsing into a heap. His eyes were on me – I could feel them. And he laughed.

Loudly.

Painfully.

Hatefully.

His laughter was long-drawn, and his entire body shook from the force. His head was tossed back as he laughed.

"Tell Shiraishi congratulations!" Syuusuke gasped out, his eyes wild, too bright, hurt. Broken. "Tell him, I congratulate him! He won!" He laughed once more… but his laughter sounded so… _choked_, and _harsh_.

I shakily got up, feeling tears run down my face.

_I love you, so, so much…_

_But I want you to hate me._


	8. Chapter 8

-**chapter eight**-

I lied.

I lied so, so many times.

I lost count.

I lied that I hated Syuusuke -_ilovehimsomuch_-

I lied that I would leave him for Kuranosuke -ican'tfacehimanymore-

I lied that I loved Kuranosuke -_ireallydidn'tmeanit-_

So don't forgive me.

-x-

Syuusuke was in a panic – and in pain.

He wanted to take back all he said, try to get Seiichi back into his arms, away from that bastard (Shiraishi- oh, how he hated that name!)- but Seiichi wouldn't – _never_ – pick up his phone, or answer his texts! He even went to Rikkaidai, trying to get answers out of the regulars, but they were all close-lipped, not answering a single question.

"Seiichi…" He mumbled, curling up on his bed. He could feel physical stabs of pain on his chest, his arms, his legs. He missed the tall beauty so much… He could feel little bubbles of misery in his chest, and he felt surprised. He reached a hand up to rub his chest where his heart was. He didn't _love_ Seiichi. (Or did he?) So why was he so affected by his leaving? (Was this payback for wasting his love?) He pulled a pillow into his chest, and he felt like someone had trampled on his body, then rolled him in mud, then dipped him into a boiling vat of tar.

_It's all because of Shiraishi_, he suddenly remembered. His eyes flashed open, and he scowled. _He drove Seiichi away from me._

"If he's holding Seiichi away from me…" He trailed off, a promise etching itself into his heart. _I'll destroy him._

His eyes flashed with a malicious glint, and his fists clenched tightly, making the fabric on the pillow stretch. He suddenly couldn't wait for the next day, when he could be free to go wherever he wanted…

-x-

Kuranosuke was looking at Oshitari Kenya with a disbelieving look on his face, as if he couldn't understand how idiotic people could get. "If you're having problems getting a girlfriend, stop telling them you're just as quick in bed as the track!" He exclaimed, unwilling to believe that Kenya wasn't as logical as he previously believed.

"How else am I supposed to get someone to date?" The brunette male asked rhetorically, smirking. "Besides, I didn't see some girls complaining…" He snickered, making his former captain groan in disgust.

"Stop talking about this, please." Kuranosuke frowned. He was reminded of Yukimura, suddenly. The dark-haired teenager hadn't been replying or answering his phone for the past month, which was making him worry. Rather than the feminine voice of Yukimura's, the answering machine would pick up, saying something about the unavailability of the number of something. It was starting to become extremely… Weird. It doesn't take a month to repair a phone, right? He also tried calling the Yukimura household, but he could only get a woman saying he wasn't there, or he was away. It wasn't weird, actually. It was rather suspicious-

"Oi!" Kenya snapped his fingers on front of his eyes. "What's wrong with you?" He smirked widely. "Thinking about that girl you met at the mall, last week? She was hot, I'll give you that, but she seemed uptight. You know, traditional and all that shit. She'd not going to give you what you need, _Bible of Shitenhouji_."

"Shut up," he replied sharply, frowning even more. He folded his arms on the table on front of him, and rested his head against them. He could feel the coolness of the gauntlet under his bandages, and sighed.

The self-proclaimed 'Speed Star of Naniwa' looked contemplative. "Oh!" He looked as if he'd been enlightened. "Don't tell me you have a girlfriend, you rascal! Girl problems?" He smirked. "She being all pushy for knowing so many girls?"

"I don't have a _girl_friend," Kuranosuke replied, giving his best friend a dark glare. "And _he_ isn't being pushy for 'knowing' so many girls."

Kenya blinked. "… Dude… Are you gay?"

The taller one didn't reply, but just continued to glare at the tabletop.

"… That explains a lot of things." Kenya suddenly burst into laughter. "No wonder you look so happy every time everyone goes into the showers, or why you tolerate the Baka Pair hitting on you!" He slapped Kuranosuke on the back, several times, hard. However, he managed to barely save his arm from Kuranosuke's teeth, when the former captain tried biting his friend.

"Shut the hell up!" Kuranosuke muttered, glaring. "Seriously. Stop it."

"Alright, alright!" The Oshitari snickered, raising his hands in a gesture of defeat. "No need to get touchy… Who is it, anyway? Your boyfriend?"

"None of your business. Oh- and he isn't my boyfriend," the lighter-haired male suddenly deflated again, and he resumed his position of half-lying on the table. "He's another person's boyfriend."

Kenya smirked. "Ooh, always for the dramatics, aren't you? Who's the third party? Huh? Come on, tell your best friend!" He tugged Kuranosuke's bandages insistently.

"Who _is_ the third party?" A cynical voice was heard.

Kuranosuke paled momentarily, before he sat up, turning around slowly, to give the speaker a casual look. "Ah, Fuji. Nice to see you around our side of Japan."

The brunette's eyes widened. "Woah. Don't tell me it's _Fuji_! Damn, you must have a pretty big death wish!" However, he was ignored when the two began talking to each other.

Fuji was smiling coldly, and his eyes were opened. "Where's Seiichi?"

"I thought he was with you," Kuranosuke answered, frowning.

"Oh, you thought he was with me, hm?" Fuji snarled viciously, his eyes lit with a feral glint. "Well, on the contrary, he had ever-so-cheerfully reported that you've tempted him to your side! So _where the hell is he_?"

The former captain stood up, glaring down at Fuji. He didn't notice the whispering around them as people began watching the drama unfolding. Kenya was looking around nervously, wondering whether he should get involved in this or not. _To risk death or to risk humiliation…_

Kuranosuke felt a minute measure of vindictive pleasure at being much, much taller than the brunette asshole on front of him. "I should be asking you that. You're his boyfriend, aren't you?"

Fuji scowled darkly. "You bastard! Where did you fucking hide him?"

Kenya could only watch as the two swiftly degenerate into a verbal fistfight, spitting insults at each other.

However, he only had one question in his mind. _Who the hell is Seiichi?_

-x-

Syuusuke could've cried at his predicament.

He'd just been screwed. Literally. And by the person who stole his lov- Seiichi from him.

He couldn't find the words to describe the shame he felt inside of him. They only did this because it was convenient. Sex was used as an outlet for their emotions. Hatred for each other; longing for Seiichi; pure desire… However, he felt like he had just defiled the image of Seiichi within his mind, as if he'd just grabbed a can of paint and threw the paint inside onto a beautiful oil painting. Destroying the previous image and mucking it up with a cover. Nothing would be able to fix that image, unless he repainted that picture…

Shiraishi shifted in his sleep, yet Syuusuke remained motionless, staring into the ceiling. Where was Seiichi?

Suddenly, he could hear his phone ring, and he bolted to his feet-

"Shit!" He winced when he felt his legs protest, as if to taunt him that he wouldn't be able to answer that call if it _was_ from Seiichi. However, he walked towards the pile of clothing on the floor, and he bent down to get his phone – with difficulty. He answered it, and put it next to his ear.

"Hello?" He whispered. "Is anyone there…?"

There was an answer. No one's voice was heard. _It was silent._

He could feel his hopes crash down, and he barely held in a sob. All he could think was: _it wasn't Seiichi. It _couldn't_ be Seiichi. There was no one there._ He didn't hang up, however, clinging onto the hope that someone would answer to put him out of his misery.

"… Hello?" Syuusuke asked again, if only out of desperate and hysterical hopelessness.

"_Wait for me."_ And the connection was cut.

Seiichi!

**owari**

-x-

**A/N:** Don't worry people! There's going to be an epilogue… :D Just hang on tight!


	9. Chapter 9

-**epilogue**-

Ten years…

Had it really been that long?

I had been fifteen when I left Japan, and I would be returning twenty-five…

"Syuusuke, how would you think of me now?" I asked rhetorically, facing the stadium where I had experienced my loss. It was where it all started. Where I met the ones I fell in love with. Where I'd crashed and burned. I couldn't help but laugh out loud, bitter sweetly. Maybe history would repeat itself, and I would meet the two men – once teenagers – here, sobbing my heart out, confessing that I hated myself.

I sat down on a bench nearby that tree I'd collapsed onto, eleven, twelve years ago, contemplating my life. Away from Japan, I'd tried to find a life that I could live. In France, I managed to find a woman to love – as much as I could, though my heart was already ripped into two.

… Well, not like how I should've loved her.

I couldn't help but think myself idiotic. I tried running away from my problems – only for my problems to run after me. The only thing I've managed to resolve was my relationship with my former teammates. Rikkai, they truly are loyal. I smiled. Ah, dear Genichiro and Renji, Akaya and Marui and Niou- Yagyuu and Jackal too, the ever-present mediators of the group.

As I closed my eyes, to happily – and peacefully – return to my memories within Rikkai, I failed to notice a presence beside me, moving to sit on the bend. It was only when something touched my cheek that I snapped back to attention.

"_Merde!_" Shit! I swore, flinching from the iciness of the object. "_Qu'est-ce que vous faisez?_" What are you doing? I asked, unaware that I was yelling in French. "_Qui êtes-vous_?" Who are you?

The blond blinked, his hand still stretched out, holding onto a bottle covered with cold condensation. "Is- is it you, Seiichi?"

I blinked as well. Who…? Wait-

"Kuranosuke?" I asked hesitantly.

His eyes widened – and suddenly I felt at… Ease. "Seiichi! W-why are you here?" He looked ecstatic, beaming at me. "You should've called- well, informed me- and Fuji." He said Syu- Fuji's name with slight disgust.

"I- I wasn't expecting to see you while I was in Japan." I admitted, ashamed. I looked away from him, to stare at the ground. I wondered if I should've just stayed in France, to live the life of a famous divorced artist, getting by on thousands of Euros and instant cup noodles.

Kuranosuke looked shocked. "… But- but… Fuji and I missed you!" He grabbed my hands with one of his own, dropping the water bottle onto the ground. "We love you- and we missed you!" I didn't miss the 'we love you'.

"… You don't hate me?" I whispered in dread. "Truly?"

He smiled at me, and he lifted his free hand to caress my cheek, making me shiver from the feelings he'd evoked – something I'd never felt with Karina. I didn't notice my lips parting, and I didn't notice the way his eyes flickered from my eyes to my lips.

He leaned forward to kiss me.

My eyes widened.

At first, I tried to fight him off, surprised by the sudden show of affection. But soon enough, his fingers, ever so gently tangling into my hair; his lips, soft, and petal-like; and his eyes, sharp and demanding, began to win me over, overwhelming me with its intensity-

"Shiraishi-sensei! What are you doing?"

I suddenly pushed him away, my eyes wide, and my breathing heavy.

Kuranosuke smiled at me, before turning to the teenager that had spoken. "Ah, Hikaru-kun… Why don't you just go with the rest of the group? I'll meet with the rest of you later."

The dark-haired teenager – maybe a second-year, and a regular of the Seigaku Tennis Club, judging from the blue-red-and-white shirt he was sporting – smirked. "Oh, and let you cheat on your boyfriend? Wait 'til Fuji-sensei hears about this!" He ran off, laughing all the way.

But I wasn't laughing.

"… Boyfriend?"

Kuranosuke frowned. "… Not really."

"How can you say that? Is S- Fuji your boyfriend or not?" I asked, suddenly feeling betrayed. Did they move on without me, leaving me stranded?

He pressed his lips against my forehead, making me relax involuntarily. "Now that you're here, he's not."

I was astonished. "You can't just do that!" I suddenly felt like crying, as my eyes prickled with tears, and my bottom lip jerked minutely. "You just- you just can't!" I pushed him away from me again, and I stood up, making a motion to walk away from him.

He grabbed my arm, pulling me against his chest. I gasped, disorientated when my vision was all black, his arms and chest causing all light to be blocked out.

"Seiichi- don't leave. Not again," he whispered into my ear. "Please."

I shivered again. "B-but…" Syuusuke. Syuusuke. _Syuusuke_.

I struggled to get out of his grip. I couldn't break them apart – they'd moved on, and they didn't need me in their lives. I could hear the wind blowing around us, and I instinctively buried my face against his chest – though it was the exact opposite of what I wanted to achieve – when I felt the wind batter my moist eyes, stinging and painful.

My heart ached; I was so close to one half of my heart, yet I needed to stay away from it. It was for Kuranosuke, and Syuusuke. I needed to let them go.

Free.

"Seiichi!" He pleaded.

I could feel the tears well out.

They trickled out of my eyes, and down my cheeks, dampening my hair, skin and eyelashes. I looked up at him through a curtain of curls, feeling pathetic. I could feel my tears running down the underside of my chin, and down the shape of my jaw, following the contours of my throat and into the hollows of my collarbones. How many tears have I shed over these years? How much had I yearned for them?

"Kura- I can't let myself be so selfish," I murmured, my voice thick, and my throat strangely clogged. "Let me go-"

I heard footsteps behind Kuranosuke, and I stilled.

"Saa, Shiraishi… Hikaru told me you were apparently cheating on me. I don't see anyone though – was he lying?"

I sobbed, clasping my lips with a hand. _Syuusuke!_

"… Fuji. Come over here," I heard Kuranosuke say.

No. No! _No!_

I broke away from Kuranosuke's arms, and I stumbled back, still trying to restrain my tears. I had to go- I turned around, about to run off-

A slender hand clasped mine, and I could feel the nostalgic warmth that radiated from it.

"Is that you, Seiichi?" I heard an incredulous voice ask. "Seiichi?"

I stayed silent, hiding my face under my hair. I couldn't face him – the one I loved first.

"Seiichi." His hand touched my chin, and lifted my head up.

And I met vivid blue eyes.

I inhaled in shock. His eyes – not even the blurriness of tears could take away from his burning eyes, and I suddenly felt- felt so… Complete.

"You didn't wait for me." I whispered.

-x-

**Note:** … And that's it! :D This is the REAL end of triumvirate: shaken! I hope that you enjoyed, and if you want me to really, really, really, really, really 'complete' this epilogue, message me, and I'll send you the ending's- er, ending!

... And on a late note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEIICHI! ;P


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